Oil for Noort
~Willem van Eyck

Sume of you may have reade my other papyr, Impressionnes of Greasey Hands, which includid a coupon for Hand Cream.

Nannye, scraping thee final layers of my wife’s face-powders off, whinged thatte she needed more moneye to buy new face-cloths, heres being too stayned.

“Pish!” I saide. “I wyll show you howe to wash!”

My wife’s Japanese Mizu Abura turned oute to be more like a Yudenkut-Sakushisetsu and… Alas! thee stains would not come outte.

An imyge, though, of my wife’s - for want of a better worde - face remained onne thee cloth!

And like thee staine in my battered memorey it refused to be wash’ed away!

Hastily, to thee milde concern of my wife, I gathyred all thee Mizuabura and squelch’ed and mash’ed together thee oilles and coloured face-powders into yuseitoryou, or as theye say in Europe, “Oil Paynt”.

Thee bruise on my lefte eye is healing niceley, thee fleshy-toned powders do a fine jobbe!

Chewey, my other goat, ys no longer producing milk, and ys now… no longer producing muche of anything, really… as his vellum is stretched like a drumme over the washinge frame. Thee milke alwayes tasted bloodey awful anyway.

Not havinge any of the quaint drawinge stones that thee Southern peasants use I had to make do wyth stickes of burnt willowe, which I confyscated from mye son, Jan, after catching him tryinge to smoke most of the plantes in thee back yard.

I shouted over thee fence to mye model, Makkelijktjie and she took no offence.

I sketched, I drewe, I made my marke. I daubed the oily paynt over the charred coal marks with wife’s make-up brushes, buildyng up a fabulous! imyge of the shy girl next door, who was paid in vegetybles as requestede.

A mere 2 monthes later, paynting completed, I stoode back and smiled. A masterpainting made with oil de olait! I shouted, I cryed, my sonne played outside with Makkelijktjie…I realley wish he woulde take an intereste and share my hobbyes!

P.S. Nanny’s newe embroidered cloths work splendydly.

Tot onz weer ziens! ~WvE